Love is Giving, not Saying by Sally Brampton

I received this in a forwarded E-Mail from one of my Blogger Friends and thought I'd just like to share this with all of you. It is an article entitled  "Love is giving not saying."  By Sally Brampton (Psychologies Magazine)

Recently, I was talking to a woman whose relationship is in crisis. She wants three kids. Her boyfriend wants none. What should she do? I asked her why, if she knows so clearly what she wants, she was choosing a situation that makes it an impossibility. 'I love him," she said. 'He loves me too,' she added defensively. 'He tells me all the time.' 'But if he can't give you what you want and you demand of him what he can't give, where's the love?' I asked.


'I love him,' she said again, as if she speaking to someone particularly dim-witted. Dim-witted I may be, but I have always felt that if love is blind, then refusing to understand what love really means is blinder still. Love is an action, not an intention.

Whenever my husband says to me,' Is there anything I can do for you,darling?' I think there is no finer phrase in the English language, just as I think a cup of tea appearing unbidden at my desk when I am wretched with work is an act of intimacy. It is as much love in action as running to the help of a friend who needs attention is love in full flight. My closest friend is particularly good at it. If I call her telling her I'm in emotional meltdown, she turns up on my doorstep and takes me in your arms in a consoling hug. Just the other day, when life seemed particularly complicated, a text flashed up from another friend. 'Thinking of you.' It was small in gesture but large in affection and, immediately, the world seemed so much better.


We love the idea of love but few of us do it well. The heart of love is in the giving rather than in the saying. For me, the words 'I love you' can sometimes be as meaningless as 'sorry'. Unless we are truly sorry enough to put that word into an action by changing our behavior or we show somebody how much we love them by our actions rather than our words, neither seems to me to be of much value. Sometimes I think the phrase 'I love you' is no more than a get-out-of-jail-free card. In other words, I love you so just shut up about my obvious lack of commitment, my inability to anticipate your needs, my failure to give you my full intention. I've told you I love you so you can't ask for anything more.


When I was younger, I had a boyfriend who told me, everyday, how much he loved me. And, everyday, he found fault with me. I was so naive and flattered by the 'I love you' part that it took me a while to put the pieces together and discover they didn't fit. Eventually, I asked him how he could love me when he disapproved of almost everything I did. He looked at me, bemused, 'Because I do,' he said. Instinctively, I knew it wasn't true, it couldn't be true, but I wasn't until I was much older that I understood he didn't really love me at all. He wanted to possess me and love was the language he used.

Love is not a given, nor should it be an expectation, just as it does not need any loud or extravagant declaration. It's a gift, small, previous, and intimate; a text from a friend, a spontaneous hug from my husband, a kiss from my kid. I hold those fleeting moments in my innermost memory. They make me feel cherished in a way that fleeting passions never do. Cherished: it's such a good old-fashioned word and, for me at least, is what love is all about

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Have a blessed Holy Week ahead everyone.

Black. White. Green

Optimism.

At the end of the Black and White journey of my life, I see something Green.

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I have been thinking. Maybe I should start a Project 365?
Contemplation. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

A Tribute To My Father.

My Father

By Mary Carpio

I had the greatest father

a child could ever have on earth

Was the first male face I remember

after my mother gave me birth

I remember the many times

he wiped the tears from my face

And felt the strength of his arms

when he held me in his embrace

His discipline seemed harsh at times

and his words may have been strong

But it wasn't because he was cruel

was because I did a wrong

The times we shared together

were more than I can recall

To have him the moments I did

was better than not knowing him at all.

Dear Papa,

You gave me life the moment you and mama decided to bring me into this world. When I am weak, you kept me strong. When I stumble and fall, you held me up. When I cried, you wiped my tears away. When I was sick, you stayed up all night and took care of me. When I wanted to study, you made sure I get through all the way to college. When I was lonely, you became my best friend. When I was in pain, you medicated me. When I was growing up, you became my teacher. When I was lost, you became my Light. When I needed inspiration, you were my Muse. When I smile, you're happy. When I'm sad, you cry. When I failed in life, You encouraged me. When another hits me, you taught me how not to fight back, but rather prove myself to them. When I was lost in a maze, you found me. When someone call me names, you taught me how to protect my family's name. You taught me how not to use my fist, but use my wit and intelligence. When I didnt know how to Love, my papa, you showed me Love.

and most of all...

You taught me this:-

You taught me how to be a person that you are. A person full of love. A person capable of loving. A person with a gift to another. A person, with a value.

Now that you're gone, The world has lost one of its sunshine that used to shone ever so brightly. Now that you're gone, the birds no longer chirp as happy as they did. Now that you're gone, the violets never bloom.

Now that you're gone Papa, I am never whole. Not anymore. Rest in Peace Papa. You will always be Remembered.

I Love you my Papa.  I Love you.

Always and Forever,

Your Daughter,

Cindy.

In Loving Memory of Papa (12th October 1947 - 31st December 2009)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

The Light.

Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished. ~Michael Strassfeld

Happy Sunday Blogosphere.
Sorry for the long absence.. Have been extremely busy and broke too as of late.
Made a couple of huge purchases in my life, ie: my hot new ride.. ;) and some insurance as well.. Have been busy running here and there, signing this and that, and the fact that i'm working odd hours according to Aussie timezone isn't helping all that much!

I'm back though! ;) So much to blog about. So many photos to share. So many opinions to express.

BUT.

First things first, Blog Hopping! ;)

♥

Snow.

Its another mellow Saturday, and I am once again stuck to my working desk at 7.45am, typing. It's a cold morning, and the office's centralised aircond is not helping at all. It seems that I'm the only one who has problems with the coldness of the aircond as I am snugged up in a sweater AND a shawl. =D

Which brings me to the topic of my discussion today.... Snow! I remember how my dad and mom used to laugh at me whenever the serious Sinus problem hits me. Oh boy, a box of tissue alone was never enough! I go by the nickname of Rudolphette - the female version of rudolph the reindeer back when I was in high school, because of my constant red nose and so... Dad and mom said I can never live in cold countries, or the country is going to run our of trees due to my constant need for tissue papers!

Again, back to my topic of discussion today:- snow. I do love the Sun, and the Rain.. Yet at the same time, I'd love to witness some snow at least once in my life. You're right. I have never seen snow, literally speaking (except on TV screens!).

I've always loved snow. Crispy white. Translucent hexagonal ice crystals that fall in soft, white flakes. Beautiful! Someday, I'd step foot on a snow filled country and make my very own version of a snowman!

So..... if one day, you happen to see an adult building a snowman as if it was her first time, squeeling in excitement like a kid, and probably wearing something green in colour, That would be me! Ü  

Father Clement Bala.

It has been approximately almost 8 years now since the last time I saw Father Bala. He was my First Holy Communion Priest. He was the humblest and most soft spoken man I have ever known my whole life. Also, one born with a golden heart.

 Father Bala lost his dad at a very young age. When he was a kid, he used to see his classmates being sent to school with a bicycle by their fathers, and he longed for that one day, when someone would carry him at the back of the bicycle and send him to school too. Yes, he longed for that.

But that one day never came. There was no one. There was no bicycle. There was only him.

This one man, touched my heart in so many ways i can never explain. He passionately fought for the rights of single mothers. He is the founder of Fatima Home in Melaka - a home to many homeless kids. This man, is the person who instill in me the one best advice that i live by: -

"The best gift you can give to your child, is education, and Love."

True, no? Yes, apart from my Loving daddy, this is the second man whom I have the utmost respect for.

Fish Spa.

Pampering ones self is life given pleasures. What better ways to do so than a round of relaxing massage, and a spa session next? The crux in this blog post is the three letter word:- Spa! Steam room and Sauna... ohhhh the luxury!

But.......

Do you know that there is another form called the Fish Spa?

Here's how it goes. You soak your feet into the spa pond, and tiny fishes made for feet therapy will nibble on your feet. EXTREMELY Ticklish at first, but once you get used to it, it's so therapeutic! And yes, I almost fell asleep too if it was not for Gerard's constant bantering! Ü

Needless to say, half an hour later, the soles of your feet would be so tender and soft! The best part is, all these luxury, only cost roughly about RM15 to RM20! Awesome, no? If you asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, was it worth the money, I would give it a 9.9! Ü

Out Of The Box.

Good morning Blogosphere. It is 9.09am on a Saturday and here I am sitting on my working desk - working. Of course literally speaking, I am actually Blogging, since the amount of calls I am receiving this morning from Australia is rather scarce.

Many have asked me; What on earth am I doing quitting my Legal job for Fedex Australia, a job which have totally no relation to my degree at all. To some, I am throwing my entire 4 years of education for nothing. To some, I am a girl who has lost her sense of direction in life and just settling for whatever job options i have laid down in front of me.

I would say, to me, I am stepping out of my comfort Zone. Yes, this is a whole new experience for me. Yes, it has nothing to do with Law when you compare it with my previous job. I was and have been for 5 years in my life, a student in the Law field, and working in a legal capacity at my previous job. I was dealing with a lot of alphabets. Look where I am now, in a job that has nothing to do with the legal field, and I am dealing majority with numeric codes.

What makes a difference is that i am happy with my current job as opposed to my previous job. Not to say I dislike working with my previous job. I found that in m current job, i possess the fire and passion to actually wake up at 4am every single morning and come to work. I Love my job at FedEx. As simple as that. What people have failed to understand is that although I am working for FedEx, that does not necessarily means I am giving up on my studies. Eventually, my ultimate aim is to pursue my Masters in Medical Law.

All I am saying is that, do not constraint yourself to what you are familiar with. Think outside the box, See outside the box, and Live outside the box! Imagine how cool my resume would look like when they see that my working experiences includes: Teaching at a US Private School, Office General Admin, Personal Assistant, Corporate Trainer, Junior Lawyer, and now a FedEx Employee. Speaking of being a Jack of all trades! Ü

So yes, in case there is still a tiny seed of doubt in your mind, I am happy with my new job! I like the challenges that comes with it and even more so, i love taking risks in order to broaden up my horizons! Ü

And Until new ideas come to mind, I am relief the Writer's Block is now gone! Have a great Weekend Everyone... And till my creativity strikes again. Toodles.

Writer's Block.

I have been having Writer's Block as of late. Have been sitting right in front of my lappie, staring at a blank Blogspot New Post page, typing, deleting and re-typing and deleting again. There is so much things to blog about, but as of now, I'm trying to come out with a Tribute for my dad. A tribute, written right from the core of my heart. So bear with me.  A Couple more days.