Life Like an Ocean.

I ♥ beaches.

I'm a certified beach bum.

The salty smell of the ocean filled my nostrils as I hear the sound of waves splashing towards the rocks.

I'm beginning to see that my life is like the ocean.

Rocky.

Maybe it is.

.::Funny::.

I hated reality. Yet, my most favourite destination in the whole world, reflects the reality of my life.

Ironic.

11.17am

Roadtrips and Photography is the best combo!

I Love Life behind my camera lenses:- They gave me a feeling of peace I never knew exists.

My grandfather was a renowned local photographer. i remember as a kid, i love following him to jungles and watched him climb trees to get his shot of a mother birdie feeding its youngins. The result of his shots, were breathtaking . Since then, I've fallen in love with Photography. I'm still an amateur, but I believe that photography is not about how long you've been taking pictures, but its about capturing the moment. The feeling. The passion.

These, I have.

I Love Roadtrips too!

My essentials for a roadtrip:

• Camera!
• Plenty of drinking water
• My sunnies
• Baseball Cap
• Good music
• my best friend, Juan (=

So, here are a few pictures I took from way back! Ü

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"This post is transported from one of my older blogs. One of my all-time favourite posts"

"Eat, Pray, Love"

Today, one of my Blog reader, who happens to be a friend of mine, interestingly texted me, and said this:-

"Babe, no offence, but aren't you revealing a little too much about yourself on your blog? I mean, come on, everyone can read it!"

So, again, I'm put in a position where I have to actually care about what people think towards my thoughts and ideas penned down in my blog. My solution to her worry is simple:- "Un-Follow Me!"

See, I've always been very much of a private person. No doubt, I'm cheery and warm and friendly (Hey, I am! :p) but in actual fact, not many know much about me, unless I want them to. As time goes by, these things accumulate and I feel terribly suffocated! Hence, I decided to own a blog, a "magic place" as I've always called it, where I can pour out my frustrations, anger, sadness, happiness, smiles and tears without facing awkward embarrassing moments that we get, talking about it to a friend. Needless to say, it shut her up but I have this nagging feeling that she will and IS continuing stalking my posts! :p

On another note, I'm currently reading on a book entitled "Live, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have to say, this book is not only engaging, but its captivating in its own funny way as well. One of the very interesting book that I've read which resulted in me trying to read through it in one sitting - all the time; when I couldn't due to other commitments such as work, studies and daddy. I love how the stories are woven together, with its honest to God truth about human nature as well as its bittersweet realisation of real life happenings. I find myself relating a lot to this book and it certainly changed a few of my perceptions towards life learning journey in general. I would highly recommend this book to everyone; especially if you're on a journey of self-discovery.

Got to go back to work now, but I will be back in a bit to ramble more about my recent happenings. I warned ya 3 post back, that when I'm back to Blogosphere, I'm back with a vengeance ;)

29/10/09

I Am Afraid

My Life is an Epic Movie. It is. I'm a Sword Wielding, donned in armour suit, Warrior Princess (okay, maybe not princess, a Female Warrior). I've fought the good fight, and have won.

But now, I'm on the verge of giving up. I felt as though I have too much on my plate right now, and it's tearing me apart. I find myself so loss. I'm walking around blindfolded and treading on Hot water. Each time I pray, I pray for sign, to tell me that I'm not alone in this fight.

Everyday, I acted as though things are in control. As soon as night came, When I'm back home, alone in my room;- Loneliness took over and I crumbled in silent sobs, falling asleep with my knees curled up to my chest, in a fetus position.

I. Am. Afraid.

27/10/09

Dreams.

"I have a dream.. "

Well, everyone does.

As a kid, I've always wanted to be a Firewoman. (Yes yes, I know, what an unlikely dream!) I've always been extremely fascinated with the Fire and Drill department where they get to don on the cool yellow uniform and slide down the rails when there's an emergency. Every weekend, I would force my dad (in my own bratty way:- Note: Stomping my feet and wailing at the top of my lungs as though there's no tomorrow :p ) to take me to the Fire station and just let me watch them wash the Fire Truck as well as prepare themselves in case of emergency. So much so, that those Firemen, became my friend.

Then, I grew out of it. I then aspired to become a singer. I wanted to be like my mom. I love music. I still do.... I love the feeling of performing on a huge stage in front of an audience. I love the sound of thunderous applause and sometimes, standing ovations. Then I realised there are so much more better singers out there than Me. I grew out of it.

Next, I decided that I wanted to become a Writer. I had my first chance at writing after I submitted an article articulately written to The Star. Luck was on my side, and I earned myself a column where I started submitting my articles ardently week after week under a pseudonym. I was getting frustrated at not being recognised for my own originality, and decided to reveal my actual name. Demands for that particular column started dropping. Again, I lost interest in it.

After much thought, I decided, YES! I wanna be a race car driver! Take over Uncle Edmund's position and be the sole female racer in the whole circuit. After years and years and MORE years of waiting, I realised, my family is sexists. Only male drivers are allowed :p ( Okay! I was exaggerating. Dad wouldn't allow me to race, at all.... According to him, female drivers are "Kayu" drivers. In English - Female drivers sucks) I was forced to abandon the idea.

Not much complains there, because next, I wanted to become an environmentalist. I've always been a lover of nature. Hiking through the woods and man made mountains makes me happy. The tranquility of the atmosphere as well as the beautiful beautiful greenery just captures my attention wholly. I loveeee the earthly smell of the soil when it rains. But what I can do, as an environmentalist in Malaysia? My best friend, Evelyn graduated from the Agriculture line, and during her practical stint, she had to work for DBKL - Following the rubbish truck. Needless to say, I drop the idea the very second.

Right now, I'm pursuing my Bachelor's and soon after my Masters in Law. I love what I'm doing. Then again, I've loved all that i've done before. So who knows how long this one may last. :p

Kidding! Ö

I've come to realise after all those years that dreams do change. as time passes, your wants and needs change. All I'm saying is, eventhough I gave up on my dreams mid way, I have the chance of following each and dream I had. I had the chance to bask in the glory and happiness of living my dream.

So, here's a word of advice: -

Whatever you want to do, Just do it (Like how Nike always said) Ü

I don't know about you, but I don't like the feeling of having to wake up someday, and regretting not doing something that I've always wanted to do!

Good luck, and all the best. Live your dream; Follow your dream.

27/10/2009

p/s: I've always wanted to master MORE languages, and currently, I'm following my little dream and learning Italian! ;)

Ü

*Thankful mode*

I'll be back :- Soon-ish!

I am guilty - Of bailing out on gym for 2 weeks now!

I'm Equally guilty of leaving my blog not updated! I'll be back! Stronger than ever. :D
Just need to get myself settled in my new place, surrounded by new people, and restarting on living my new life.

21/10/09

10 things that Makes me Happy

Are you happy?

That's a question I ask myself every single day.

More often than not, my answer would be "I Don't Know".

What makes you happy then?

That's the next question I asked.

What does happiness actually means to you? Is it the smile plastered on your face? Is it the sound of a hearty laughter? Is it the feeling of contentment? What exactly is happiness? This is a very subjective question. Happiness mean different things to different people. To some, happiness is when you're in love. To others, happiness means getting something you've been waiting for. It still seemed like a really vague topic to me. I've long been numbed from feeling happy. Thus, I've came up with a list of certain things that gave me a sense of contentment, and certain things that put a smile on my face. Maybe, just maybe, these are the moments where I am feeling happy.

• Family Gatherings.

Nothing beats staying home with the big family clan, talking over a round of barbeque and wine. The men of the family would sit in the porch, the mummies of the family would be around the dining table while the youngins would be in the hall talking and cracking stupid jokes and not to forget all the photo taking moments! I've been really blessed to be born in a such a close knitted family where there is no age or racial barriers at all. We all ♥ each other! The support system within the family is unbreakable.

Again, I'd like to stress this once again, and it's something I'd never get tired nor ashame of saying:-

I'm Proud to be a Vaz! Ü

• My nieces

2 little munchkin, and another one on the way! Their cheeky mode and adorable ways never fail to lift up my mood. Sometimes, they're just toooooooooooo adorable that it makes me wanna squish their faces and bite their cheeks! Ö Occasionally, they do get on my nerves, but usually not for long. Oh, have i mentioned the puppy dog sad eyes tactic that they're so good at portraying whenever I get mad at them? Trust me, they deserve a master class award for that. *Grins*

• Singing out loud in the showers

I Love singing. It's one of those genetically inherited hobbies i got from my beloved mommy;- except, I never really did inherit her talents. *LoL* It's sort of like my "mini concert" minus the audience part. Haha! It even has an original Echo function which I don't have to tune it with the mixers! :D

• Tweeting

Yeap! You got it right! Twitter keeps my mood up. Of course, I have to give a round of kudos to my Tweeples who have been ever so awesome in making me laugh with their ridiculous yet entertaining Tweets!

• THE Beach & Mountain top

These two places is where I go to when I need to recollect my thoughts. I've always been more of a sensitive and emotional person (What's new?). At the same time, I'm also a deep thinker - I tend to think too much into certain things. Whenever things get too much for me to handle, I escape to these places and just bask into the beautiful view in front of me. They gave me a sense of peace that I seek for. Peacefulness equates happiness too right? Ü

• Swings & Slides

I know, I know! So childish, isn't it? I've always been a Kid at heart. Wherever I go to, When I see a swing or a slide, I'd just get all excited and I'm thrown back into the past:- I became a kid again. I love the feeling of wind carressing my face as I swung myself high up in the air... I learnt how to laugh when I'm on a swing and i ALWAYS go "Wheeeeee~" When I'm sliding down a slide :D

• Music

I'm a hardcore Music junkie. Whatever my mood is reflects upon the genre of music I'm listening to. Friends and families know me as a Living Jukebox. I have no idea why! Was it because of the fact that I seemed to know every song that's being played on the radio? I don't know. One thing I do know for sure; I love karaokes! haha... The Pinay in me is showing eh? :D Pinoy tayo!

• Taking Pictures

... of everything, and anything. Picture speaks a thousand words. Capturing every single memory I had, have and will have in pictures. It's looking back at pictures of past happenings that brought tears and laughter to me. Some are of people that I've lost over the years, some are of forgotten memories, while some are of funny snapshots of the people in my life and I.

• Giving

My mom left me with the greatest gift of all - Give. I learnt to give; when I give, I feel contented. The smiling faces of my receiver always gave me a sense of fullfilment. Sometimes I turn selfish. I am but a human after all, but when I remembered the real reason of my existence in this world, I try to be a giver all over again. I'm still Learning, and grasping. Baby steps...

• Vacations & Travelling

I don't need to say more! It's like a few days of escape from reality and I get to be in LaLaLand and just forget the world at large. I'm at my most happy, being away from all drama.

The list goes on... At this moment, I'm having a moment of brain freeze. I shall have a Part 2 post when I'm past my Daft mode.

So there you go. Some of my happy moments. What are yours? Ü

That's When I Love You

Have you ever found a song that strikes right into the core of your heart?

Today, I did.

So simple, yet so true.

That's When I Love You - Aslyn

When you have to look away

When you dont have much to say

Thats when I love youI love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak

Or see you walk with two left feet

Thats when I love you

I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game

Forget Im waiting in the rain

Baby i love you,I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight

You can count "on" me for life

Thats when i love you

When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love

The more my heart cant get enough

Thats when I love you, no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes

Cause the movie it made you cry

Thats when I love you

I love you a little more each time

And when you cant quite match your clothes

Or when you laugh at your own jokes

Thats when I love you

I love you, more than youll know

And when you forget that we had a date

Or that look that you get when you show up late

Baby I love you, I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight

You can count "on" me for life

Thats when i love you

When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love

The more my heart cant get enough

Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what

Thats when I love you

When nothing baby

Nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love

The more my heart cant get enough

Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what

No matter what

"BER" months babies!

It was mom's birthday yesterday... and will be dad's and Eric's (my 3rd brother) birthday on the 12th of October. MY birthday is on the 17th of December! haha, I just HAD to slot that in. Ü So, majority of my family members are "BER" month babies. Ü

For the first time in my whole life, I would not be home for their birthdays. Usually, I would be the one getting all excited, buying cakes, so called surprise parties, and getting them presents (Which ended up in dad scolding me most of the time for "wasting" money) Hello dad, Money can always be earned, but i have only ONE dad, ONE mom and One (wait Three) Brothers! :D

It makes me sad though because I wouldn't be able to make it home this coming weekend for the big party! The rest of the fam clan would be back at Batu Pahat - except me. How sad! )= This is the result of having classes during the weekends.

All right all right, i know i'm super whining right now. I miss my family. I've always been rather spoiled when it comes to my family members and love ones. What can I do? They just love me! :D In turn, I love them with every thing I have too. God gave me a heart; I distributed them to all my love ones. Ü

Fine. I'm Rambling Ö

Till my next rambling session!

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P/s: I've moved places! :D Will have pictures posted up soon

♥

My Story To Tell & I've Embraced It.

Everyone, have a story to tell. That was what I learnt from the late Randy Pausch. Today, I decided to re-read "The Last Lecture" written by Randy, and reading it the second time, I took my time and digested his words. Towards the end, the book left me teary eyed. He had barely 6 months to live, and in that six months, he spent part of it writing this book, and he did what he does best - teaching. His book taught me about certain values in life and opened my eye to a whole new world out there.

Like how Randy embraced his situation with Pancreatic Cancer, today, at this moment, I will embrace mine too. So dear readers, do bear with me - This will be a long blog post. I have a lot of story to tell.

This story, is about the people I met and knew, apart from my dearly beloved family, that has influenced and brought sunny sunshine to my life.

First and foremost, I'd like you to meet my half-sister - Catrina de Ramos. I have never met Cathy. I've heard so much about her from mom, but I have never met her. We spoke on the phone, the usual "Hi" , "Hello" , "Take Care". In 2007, I finally met my sister, for the very first time in my life. My first impression of her was that she's extremely shy, and for a moment, it felt awkward because we're half sisters, but I don't know her at all - truth be told. As time passed, we started getting used to each other and in less than a month, we were inseparable. She became my confidante, the one person I can tell everything to and cry to. I remember how one night, I woke up screaming in a nightmare, and she was there, holding my hand and keeping me calm and talking to me all through the night, ensuring that I was fine. We shared gossips, boy talks and on a more deeper level, we talked about both our relationship with mom. In the six months she was here, in Malaysia, I felt the joy of having a sister. She's now back in the Philippines, and I havent seen my sister for nearly two years. I miss her terribly and One day, I will succeed in bringing her over here to Malaysia. She belongs to the family, and IS a part of the family.

Next on the list, I'd like you to meet Janice Ruth Alecha - My Twin from another mother. Janice, is a fighter. She is a Hepatitis B carrier and have faced a lot of downturns in her life. Being the sole breadwinner and having losing her mom, she single handedly brought up her 3 younger sister. She gave up so much and also lost a person she loved in order to be a responsible sister. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow. Despite being a Hep B carrier, she is now happily married to a wonderful hubby named Lee Sanchez from USA and is a mother to a beautiful baby boy - My Godson, Giovanni Li Sanchez. I can never forget the countless times we shared on webcam, talking, laughing, crying and sharing. She is like a mirror image of me - attitude wise. I wil forever remember how she taught me on the true value of friendship - that it knows no boundaries. Despite not having met her yet after 4 years of friendship, I remain hopeful that someday, the both of us would meet.

Next on the list, is my darling Lina and Jillu. Thanks to Patrick Shyu, the founder of Humanpets.com, the three crazy braniacs were brought together. We ALWAYS have so much fun together. Laughing, squeezing together in a bed, taking pictures by KLCC fountain together. These two girls remained my solid rock through it all. Especially even more so when dad was diagnosed with cancer. I have no other words to say but this : Girls, I am exceptionally thankful for your presence in my life and for bringing so much sunshine to my family. I will be forever grateful.

Also, on my list, is Karlie, Lucia, Amber, Carine and Gracie. Again, I have to say a huge thank you to Patrick for bringing these girls and i together. The countless moments we shared during our herd days on H.Pets and our ever funny Yahoo conference totally topped my chart. Even till today, you girls have been there for me, seeing me through every heartbreaks and happiness I faced. Who ever said Distance is an issue, deserve a slap in their face, because they are totally wrong! All five of us, comes from different country, Karlie - Philippines, Lucia - Slovakia, Amber - Thailand, Gracie - Australia and Yous Truly - Malaysia. Our Similarity? We ♥ each other like mad. Thank you girls, for loving me so much.

Finally, the one person, I'd like to thank,and the whole purpose of this blog post, is a very very important person in my life - MY WonderWall. This will definitely be a whole hell of an inappropriateness, but at this moment, I dont really give a damn about being appropriate. I'm embracing it. I'm embracing everything that happened. As fate would have it, I met him on Twitter. We started off as friends. He was being nice to me and made me laugh with his quirky sense of humour - ie: his sense of sarcasm. I remember how I ALWAYS got irritated with his "Really??!!!!??" whenever I tried to tell him about certain excitement that happened in my life. As time goes by, and as everyone know, he fell for me; and I in turn, fell for him.

In mere months, the bond we built were not easily shaken. We were completely honest to each other about every single happenings in our life and I find that I can never ever hide anything from him. If you asked me, I was at my most honest, when i was with him. He just brings out the best in me.

Without the need to say anything, he knew my thoughts and feelings. I can never forget the state of euphoric bliss of waking up to him in the mornings, and being able to say "Good Morning" to him. I can never forget the musky smell of his skin when he held me close and comfort me during my time of weakness. I can never forget how he smell of Dashing Active Talcum Powder. I can never forget how his eyes ALWAYS crinkles up when he smiles (This is my ultimate favourite sight of him). I can never forget how he always bites his lower lips whenever he's up to something mischievous. I can never forget how my tiny fingers fits perfectly into the gaps of his fingers - like they were totally made for each other. I adore how he looks like when he's sleeping; with his hair tousled and his face peacefully slumbered.

I have Met my soulmate in him. He fits me like a perfect puzzle. He is like the peanut to my butter, and the chocolate to my sundae. Ü

Eventhough we've gone our separate ways, I know one thing is for sure. He will ALWAYS have a piece of my heart with him. He will always be a very very special person in my life. No one can ever take his place. What we shared, was indeed, as what you said - Divine. Thank you so much for loving me, and for allowing me to love you. Thank you for teaching me how to love again. I am embracing our separation. I am trying - For you, as I know how you're trying, for me.

For this very person, I am not posting any picture of him, because I've already had a picture perfect image of him plastered in my mind. That image, is my sole property. Its my remembrance of him, everlasting.

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I've disabled the comments for this post because its a very personal post to me.

And you wonder Why I would Love to Own a SLR..

For the very first time, I'm sharing my Life behind my Camera Lenses. Had a chance with Uncle Bong's SLR and there is no turning back ever since! Do leave me your comments. I believe there are still rooms for improvement! Ü

♥

True-Blue Malaysian

I ♥ my family.

I do.

Its the 1st of October, and it is the day of Dad's PET CT Scan.

This is a short extract from Wijaya Medical Centre's Homepage, for the knowledge of every reader who chanced upon my blog:-
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Positron Emission Tomography and Computed Tomography (PET CT) combines the strengths of two well-established imaging modalities, CT for anatomy and PET for function, into a single imaging device. By imaging with the two modalities in a single scan, disease can be both identified and localized, potentially resulting in an earlier diagnosis and more accurate staging of cancers. PET/CT can also show how the disease is responding to treatment.

PET/CT scanners provide accurately aligned anatomical and functional images of a patient, allowing functional abnormalities to be localized and distinguished from normal uptake of the PET tracer, which increases physician’s confidence in arriving at the correct diagnosis.

The three areas in which PET is making critical contributions are in:

1) Oncology - Lung cancer, breast cancer, testicular and ovarian cancer, recurrent colorectal cancer, lymphoma, melanoma, recurrent brain tumors, tumor-therapy monitoring and assessing effectiveness of treatment such as chemotherapy, - it pinpoints the disease and helps guide therapy to improve your quality of life while fighting cancer.

2) Cardiology - Myocardial viability - a form of non-invasive stress test to help determine the presence and extent of coronary artery disease.

3) Neurology - Diagnosis of Alzheimer, - the study of the blood flow and metabolic activity in the brain can identify certain neurologic and central nervous system disorders.

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It was a terribly long wait. Apart from dad, there were two other patient as well, awaiting for their PET CT. It then dawned on me, that I have an extremely bonded family! We have a great support system amonst us all. The two other patients comprises of an old uncle and an old auntie, and they were all alone. My dad,on the other hand, has his whole rally of supporters beside him! ie: My mom, aunts, brothers and I. I realised, then and there, that I am, indeed, one lucky girl to be born in a family like mine.

So here I go again, I am super Proud to be a Vaz

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Today as well, I chanced upon a new surgery method which MAY be beneficial to everyone battling cancer out there! It's known as CyberKnife ®.

CyberKnife® Radiosurgery is a precise, painless, non-invasive radiosurgery treatment that can be an alternative to open surgery in many cases. With sub-millimeter clinical accuracy.

In easy English, Its surgery without the need to cut you open! It is most beneficial for inoperable surgery such as surgery to the brain or open lung surgery for that matter. It gave me a sense of peace to know that the technologies provided by certain Malaysia hospital is indeed at par with that of other more advanced country such as Singapore.

Hence, today, I officially became a True-Blue Malaysian (but that doesn't mean I condone with the happenings of Malaysian Political world) *wink* .

Ü